i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
don't judge my taste in strippers
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
