no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
