You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
