i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
