after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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