Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
