I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
