I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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