She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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