Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What a dumb baby whore.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
