Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
