Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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