I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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