you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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