I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
