Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
