why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
