meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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