Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
