I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
