This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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