So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize