I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
