the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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