I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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