My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
