i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
