You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
