why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
