When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
