Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
