Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
