just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
