My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
