I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
