If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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