I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
