I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
