sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
