I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Green mimosas i think yes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize