he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize