My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
