Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize