Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
