South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
