Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if only i could text you this smell
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
