then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
