Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
