I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
