i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
