im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
