Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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