and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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