Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
