when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize