Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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