She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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