Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My ass is underappreciated
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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