You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
