He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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