Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
