so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
