Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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