i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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