I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
