Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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