I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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