he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
